Good Morning,
It’s been one HELL of a weekend for me, I hope your weekend was better. When I was at Rhodes my friends (miss them dearly) and I used to have a saying for when varsity life got tough. You know those days when you’ve missed a deadline, still have 3 assignments due and a 2 tests and you know nothing ? It’s like you haven’t been in school this whole time. Yes those horrible horrible weeks ?
It wasn’t a saying we came up with or anything, no, its something we chose to use because it was fitting. The saying was, “Just Bob and Weave, Just Bob and Weave”. The reason we used this saying was cause at that time, during those weeks or months, Life is just throwing jabs and the only way to survive is to bob and weave and tire life out. Bend you head, say a prayer and weather the storm you know !!
Well that’s been me for the past couple of days or weeks. Life has been throwing punches and I’ve been bobbing and weaving. Surviving!! The thing about bobbing and weaving is you tire too, emotionally and physically you tire too. I was there already, I was tired, feeling the losses, surviving because I was doing my best to cherish and hold on to the small wins and keep going.
and then life finally landed a punch,
On Friday at around 1900 hours some man in a black hoodie broke into my apartment whilst I was sleeping ( I had fallen asleep whilst sitting on my bed reading messages and catching up on emails). and I walk to find him looming over my bed. Do you know how terrifying it is to feel a chill run down your spine whilst you’re asleep and as you open your eyes and something starts taking shape and you realize its someone you don’t know standing less that 30cm’s away from your head.
I felt paralyzed by fear, I felt this overwhelming need to survive, I didn’t know what time it was, I just knew I was in the dark, I didn’t know what he was going to do to me, what he had with him, I didn’t know if he was alone. All I knew was my life depended on the actions I was going to take in that very moment.
I remember screaming so loud, I remember the fear in my voice, I remember feeling vulnerable and alone. I guess he didn’t expect me to wake up so he ran out of the apartment ( but not before picking up my brand new iPhone 6s , assh%le). I remember running towards the door behind him, don’t get me wrong it wasn’t so I could catch him, nope !!! It was so I could get help !!!! I opened my windows coz they have alarms and I just kept screaming. Then my neighbors came down but they were long gone.
I realize now that home invasion seems like a tad of an exaggeration which it is I suppose but I want to explain to you why even though a violent crime didn’t happen, I don’t feel that way.
Every time someone says thank God you’re alive all i can think off is the fear I am currently living with too. I am not haunted by his face, I am haunted by my own screams, the fear that I felt in those moments is still very much a part of me. I can’t seem to be able to shake it off. My bedroom is my sanctuary, a place I come hide from the world when I am losing, its my safe place and this guy just took it from me. I can’t hide in here anymore. Anything could have happen and in those seconds I played it all out in my head (fear does that to me).
If you’re expecting a wise word from me today I don’t have that. You guys are my friends and therapists too, lol. So lets take this as a diary session. I am finally putting my words on a paper which is progress because most of this weekend all that’s been talking are my eyes
Sometimes crying is the only way your mind speaks when your mouth can’t explain how broken your heart is”
I cried so much yesterday I swear I thought my mum could feel it. I felt like the people who were being rude, difficult or mean were just kicking me when I was down and because I’m a “G” a lot of the time, when I finally cry about one thing I end up crying about everything that’s wrong. I’m not talking about an hour-long cry, I am talking a strong maybe 6 hours. When you just hold yourself and cry and now I think I am okay. I feel different like the weight is off my shoulders.
I am ready to set up alarms, register for martial arts and continue with life. I am still a bit on edge for instance on Saturday night I almost got up to go sit by the door so I could see them coming, at least I would be able to hide under my bed and call 112.
After crying so much and popping a painkiller for the obvious head ache I slept (which is a relief because from Friday I had managed to sleep a maximum of two hours). I slept at 2200hrs and I woke up this morning smiles I think it was my mind’s way of saying “you’ve suffered enough, just shut down”
I want to thank God for my life and hope that soon I’ll be back to my relaxed self who doesn’t jump when she sees shadows.
Thank you for listening. Enjoy your Monday. I’ll be back to blogging today coz I know it will help take my mind off this crap.
If you want to reach me then snapchat – miriam_mich, facebook or emails. I don’t have a phone.
Ah Miriam! I’m so sorry to hear that you had to endure that invasion of your space! If you want to vent, just holla
Author
Thank you Paula,
As soon as I manage to get a phone to use, I’ll definitely call you. Thank you for checking up on me 🙂
I haven’t been able to sleep since the phone call which almost confirmed my worst fears. That you are in trouble and you are more than 3000km away and I can’t hold you to my chest like I did the last time. The presence of my parents at home made it worse for it is during times like this that I want to be alone with my inner self. Process how to deal with issues at my own pace and time. I felt clouded and restricted. I hate not being able to share your experience of whatever magnitude be it joy, sorrow, fear, trauma whatever. Your umbilical cord is part of me and was a conduit of survival for food oxygen nutrients and now distance has taken that away from me. I guess I should be prepared to love you and share everything from a distance. Something has to come out good in this or otherwise I will ask you to come back home and I mean it. God am so angry. I love you too Miriam.
Author
With what we have distance will never be a factor. You have equipped me with the skills I need to survive. They are certain things you wont be able to protect me from however you will forever be my shoulder to lean on. I felt better, I had renewed strength after very conversation with you. I managed to laugh, take a breath and relax. You take care of me even when you aren’t here. Took a bath with year supply of bath salts that you left and I felt relaxed and calm. I love you. I am a conqueror, a fighter, a survivor !!!!
Im so sorry to hear that! Im glad they didnt harm you physically. Bless
Author
Thank you dear. I am glad I am alright
Glad that you weren’t physically harmed. Can’t imagine the fear that you must be walking around with, and encouraging to know that you have some people near, and far, to lean on for support. All the best.
Author
Thank you for the kind words ❤️
I’ve learnt something kinda cool after all this and it’s that I have a support system and people who care about me dearly. It’s comforting to know that when you need help they are people willing to assist.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through this ordeal, but I am glad that you were not physically. 🙁 I hope that you’re able to up your security or find a place that you’ll be secure.
Author
Thank you Odette,
I am looking into it. I want to up the security here because sadly I don’t think there is anyway of running away from crime. We can just do our best to be safe. I am looking into rapid response companies.
Thank you again for checking in ❤️
I love you and im so glad you are okay now you know how it feels. Till this day I only walk on the opposite sidewalk so i see the cars coming (fear of getting robbed by a car coming from the back) and I’m extremely suspicious of cars that just randomly slow down. But this I know, God is our one true protector and he will always watch over you my angel xx
Author
Thank you babe, I’m alright. I’m coming to JHB tomorrow, will let you know when I land.
I’m humbled to realize that you have so many people far and wide who are concerned and pray for you and wish you the best. Keep up the good work girls. The Bible tells us in Matthew 16 vs 19 that we were given the keys of Heaven. Whatever we bind here on earth it is bound in heaven and that we losses is also in heaven. Let us bind the devil on earth who is meant to destroy and kill. He was defeated on the cross when Jesus said it finished. I love all. Mama
Hey..am sorry to hear that you got robbed God says He will give you back what the locusts have eaten..anyway wanted to find out had you set up your iCloud and everything on your phone? Have you tried find my iPhone??
Author
Hey Nic,
Yes I had set everything up. I’ve been tracking it but it’s off. Now just waiting for it to turn on coz they turned it off. I locked it though so now we playing the waiting game.
Thank you for checking up on me. I hope you are well
I live between two houses that recently got burgled within days of each other…. and I cant sleep…. Considering getting martial arts training, a gun, a pet crocodile in the backyard and letting the dogs out!!
Yeah a home invasion is absolutely terrifying and in the end all you can say is at least no one was hurt or otherwise, there is no price tag on life
~B
Author
Thank you B,
At least now I know I am not crazy. its getting better now. I don’t freak out at all the small noises around me anymore.
I am also considering getting Martial Arts training.
A pet crocodile is really cool.
were do we sign up for some deadly self defence martial arts training… for self defence purposes lol
A pet crocodile would be awesome and then you can get to put up the sign:
WARNING: Crocodile On Premises
Survivors will be hospitalized
~B
Author
Your comments always crack me up. Such a ray of sunshine.
Will make the crocodile sign just to keep the big bad monsters away.
Have a great Monday B
I’m honestly going to be using this saying from now on! I can relate so much with this. I can also relate with how crying over one thing actually triggers multiple things. I am the same way and felt like the only one. But I hope everything is well now!
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Sincerely, Sagittarius.
Author
Hey Ashley,
You aren’t the only one. Life can get really challenging and the day to day challenges can become overwhelming. I am here though if you ever need to vent, just drop me and email.
Thank you for showing me I am not the only one too.
Love,
M