An Open Letter to my Father after 18 years (Rest In Peace)

An Open Letter to my Father after 18 years  (Rest In Peace)

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Hey,

(I’ve always imagined that’s how our conversation would start if we ever had a chance to talk). Hey…. It’s such an interesting word isn’t it, means so much but says nothing at all.

It’s been 18 years since you left this world. 18 years today since the last time I spoke to you. I was 6 then, I’m 24 now!

I’ve never been that person who celebrates anniversaries, I celebrate my birthday but because you decided to have me in January I never really go big so even that isn’t my thing.

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The 14th of August usually goes past without me even noticing, mainly because it’s a day I would rather not remember. I mean what’s the point right, it doesn’t change anything at all.

This year has been different, though, mainly because I’ve had a pretty tough year emotionally and as a result, I’ve thought about you more than I ever have in the past 18years. I’ve been told you shouldn’t miss the dead or wish they were in your life because you stop their souls from resting.

So I’ve decided instead of missing you, I figured I would have a conversation with you.

First and foremost, I would like you to know we turned out okay, great actually (lol, look at me toot my own horn).

18 years have gone by and for the most past, I’ve been angry at you. Not all the time, though, it comes in waves. It comes on those days that I see mum struggle to make things happen for Isaac and me. On the days she is so exhausted and stressed from trying to make sure Isaac and I have what we need.

I get angry because you gave up. You should have fought to stay with us for longer, you should have had a conversation with your God and explained to him that you had two young kids who needed you.

Now that I’m older I have a few things I want you to know.

I want you to know that I forgive you, I forgive you for leaving us behind. For being born to a family of people who couldn’t be bothered to care. A family that doesn’t understand the power of love. You should have done better. You were the older sibling you should have taught them better. You should have taught them how to care, taught them to love.

 

I get so angry that they had your memorial without us, they planned it (can you imagine, they planned and gave us a date for it, I will never forgive them for that) and invited that like we were strangers. I get angry because I blame you, had you showed them just how important we were they would have never been able to do that to us. I mean if I was your princess like I’ve always believed and if I was the most important thing to you. How dare they??? How could they do that to Me, Margaret and Isaac

I’ve never lit a candle in your memory because they robbed me of that. They robbed me of the chance to truly grieve. From the moment you left us, they made it a point to show mum just how much they hated her and as far as I was concerned it meant they hated me too. They came you know, to get all furniture had you not chosen a fighter Isaac and I would have been left in the dust. I mean how they???

You should have been here to teach me how to be loved, to teach me about boys and how a princess is meant to be treated. I am angry about the horrible memories you’ve left me but I want you to know I forgive you.

Why do I forgive you, I forgive you because you chose well! You made an amazing choice to raise a family with Margaret. She is all woman and Dad you chose well.

She is the strongest woman I’ve ever known. She loves us, she’s worked hard to make us the best versions of ourselves.

You would be proud; you should see Isaac. He turns 20 in 15 days and he’s turned out well. He is such a man, more man than he probably would have been had you been alive. He loves dearly, he is sweet, confident, loving and strong.

He takes care of mum and me, we have our knight and shining armour. I never have to worry, I have someone in the world who loves me right, who cares about me and how I am.
So for leaving me with two AMAZING HUMANS who love me more than life itself I thank you.

Rest in Peace.

Rest in Peace.

Thank you for choosing well and I forgive you!

Love, 

~Your Princes 

 

 

 

 

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14 Comments

  1. 14/08/2016 / 15:09

    Oh M, this is beautiful.

    • Miriam Maulana
      Author
      14/08/2016 / 16:23

      Thank you Lu …. I appreciate it

  2. 14/08/2016 / 15:31

    Oh Miriam! Sending you so much love…. <3

    • Miriam Maulana
      Author
      14/08/2016 / 16:24

      Thank you Nayes, it means a lot. It took a lot to write this ….

  3. Tapiwa Nhari
    14/08/2016 / 17:10

    ❤️❤️❤️

    • Miriam Maulana
      Author
      15/08/2016 / 04:49

      Thank you Bestfriend

  4. Jo-Ann Mahaka
    14/08/2016 / 22:43

    This was beautiful, especially to someone who can relate. I hope you and Isaac continue to soldier on. Your mom really is a beautiful being, more so because she raised two amazing kids. I loved it. #ValeForever

    • Miriam Maulana
      Author
      15/08/2016 / 04:50

      Thank you Jo-Ann, it means a lot. I am happy this spoke to you.

  5. Aunt Philo
    15/08/2016 / 02:57

    Miriam my dear your letter reduced me to tears and happiness at the same time, its very well thought out and you definitely poured your whole heart into it. I love your conversation with your dad, the openness,the details, the love and pride you have for your family( mum and Isaac) plus your achievements,the love you have for your dad, the sorrow, the challenges you faced and ability to conquer them by coming together as a family and the lack of support and love from those who should have done so and most important how you have turned out to be…… its simply the best letter. Your dad is very proud you and Isaac and he is always shining down on you his princess and prince. Am very proud of you my dear.xxx

    • Miriam Maulana
      Author
      15/08/2016 / 06:46

      Hi Aunty,

      Thank you for the kind words, it took a lot for me to write this but I am glad I did.
      Thank you for your support and love always.

  6. Dr Maulana
    15/08/2016 / 09:22

    Since yesterday I have been gathering the courage and strength to express how humbled and proud to be your mum without beating my chest. I have been reading it over and over again and throughout tried to internalize it without habbering the same anger, bitterness and resentment. I truly hope I will be able to do that. In legal terms its without predudice. I am not strong enough I guesd. I am flattered by your comments and am so proud. I know from deep down my heart your father chose well. He was irresistible. It is unfortunate that he gave up. I have also been angry about that too and I think I still am. I should write him a letter too as we commemorate the silver jubilee of his passing on.
    For now I will concentrate on surving and being there for you and Isaac until you figure it out. I will not give up on you my princess and of course my prince. I will be there as you rule the world. Just like what Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt did. The world greatest and legends.
    I love you with my life!!!!!

    • Miriam Maulana
      Author
      16/08/2016 / 05:38

      Thank you mum. You’re the best always. I love you

  7. 13/09/2016 / 06:46

    This is beautiful! Your mom sounds like an amazing woman <3 The in laws though, do they have to be the typical stereotype?? Good for you for not allowing them to drag you down!

    • Miriam Maulana
      Author
      19/09/2016 / 15:04

      Hahahah right, it’s so disappointing. Thank you. My mum is an awesome person, she did a great job of taking care of my brother and I

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